“If you had got the flashlight like you said, we wouldn’t have to do this.”
“Shut up. If I had got the flashlight, we would still run across the alley screaming like girls.”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Yeah-huh! You know it’s true. We could all have spotlights and you would always go ‘Okay, run!’ as soon as we got to the fence, and you’d yell all the way, and practically pee your pants cause the gate was latched.”
“Would not.”
“Would t~ nevermind, geez, Carlos. Stop being a baby.”
That’s how it would go every time we had to cross the alley at night. Carlos always had to complain about something.
Our big cousin Sylvio came back from two years in reformatory and three months in the Army and had all kinds of scary stories, most of which I’m sure he got from the other kids at the reformatory. He’d get eight or nine beers into him, which was nothing since he was now counted as an adult. Three months in the Army will get you that in our family, even if you snuck in at sixteen and they threw you out before you even made it to seventeen.
Anyway, he’d have some beers, then holler “Hey, come over here you little shits” and all us eight to ten year olds would run over so he could scare the crap out of us with a brand new story.
We still had his last story of the chupacabra in our heads as we huddled at the gate between our abuela’s house and Tia Gloria’s house, with the darkest alley in the world in between. There weren’t any lights close, and there were thick trees overhead. Even in a full moon, it was pitch black. Actually, in a full moon, it felt even blacker, but that’s just kids’ imaginations at work. We swore that even flashlights would dim a little as we ran across the alley.
“You go first this time, Bobby. I went first last time.”
“Chicken. You can go last then, Carlos.”
“No way, man. I went last the time before that. I get the middle. He can eat the two little ones first.”
There was nothing we needed over at Abuela Lucia’s, but we were bored. Plus, we’d gotten tired of all the borrachos at Tia Gloria’s house, so we were going to put up with the ones at abuela’s house for a while. At least, when we got to abuela’s house, we’d have a flashlight, if we needed to go back across before the night was over.
First thing first, we had to get across between the yards, and that meant through the alley. It wouldn’t even do any good to go around the block, because we were out in the country and the one street light was at the far end of the block, with lots of dark to go through. Better a three second dash than a five minute mission of peril.
I shook my head at Tony and Crystal and said “Ignore him. Nothing’s going to eat you.”
I took their hands and said, “Ready? Tony, open the gate for us.” He pulled the latch and yanked it open and we burst through the empty space into the black and empty space. Our feet pounded on the clay and threw up fine dust, but in four or five seconds, we were across. I huddled Tony and Crystal in front of me and popped the latch on abuela’s gate, and we stumbled through, with Carlos practically running up my back to get in.
When we got over, though, our Uncle Greg had shown up and was causing trouble. He was already drunker than anyone else, which was an impressive feat in itself, and now was just being loud and rude to everyone. He did it from a lawn chair, though, because standing was already more than he could do. Sylvio liked telling us that the monsters in the alley had bit off two fingers from Greg’s hand when he was a kid, but we already knew the real story. He got them shot off or cut off so he could avoid getting drafted and sent to Vietnam. Still, Sylvio would say, if we ever felt something brush against us in the dark, it was Greg’s fingers trying to find their way home. There were times I ran across the alley with my hands covering my pockets, just to keep them out, even though I knew Sylvio was lying.
Greg’s two kids joined us, Luz and Randy. We wandered around the yard playing catch with a couple of unripe tomatoes we’d taken from the garden. By the time Uncle Rico came over and accused us of wrecking abuela’s garden, we were twice as bored and annoyed there as we had been at tia’s. Plus, Greg was getting louder and drunker. I’d gotten in trouble before for telling Greg to shut up and leave me alone, and didn’t feel like it again, so I was going back across to tia’s with the flashlight. They all decided they were going to follow. Nobody wanted to be separated from the magic light.
We got to the gate and Carlos said he wanted to be in front this time and I could be in back. I told him I didn’t care, as long as I wasn’t around Greg. I’d walk across by myself, covered in raw hamburger meat if it meant not being near Greg. He said “Ok, we’ll go across with the light and then you can come … or …” he had what he thought was a brilliant idea. “… we’ll go across and you’ll shine the light on us. When we get to the other side, you throw us the light, and then we’ll shine it on you and you come across.”
I had to admit that was pretty brilliant. At least it was smarter than the stupid scramble we’d been doing for years.
So they clustered up and ran across while I shined the flashlight on their backs. Even though I wondered if maybe it would just make it easier for a monster to grab them, I didn’t say anything. I wanted to keep the illusion that it was a great idea for just a little longer.
They hit the other gate and popped it open, then they stood on the other side, just inside the edge of the light, waiting for me.
“Remember, toss the light first.”
I drew back and lofted it toward them. It vanished in the dark and I waited for it to land in Carlos’ hands, but it didn’t. For half a second, I thought maybe it had been snatched in midair by something. In that half second, I thought a hundred horrible things. Then there was a little crash in the bushes next to the gate and I knew I’d thrown it wide. I laughed at myself, which made the whole thing I was about to do easier. As Carlos retrieved the flashlight, I got ready to sprint, just as soon as he lit me up.
It was his turn to laugh, though, when he got back to the gate. He tapped the light in his hand, chuckled, and slammed the gate shut. He kept laughing as he herded the other kids toward tia’s house.
My blood froze. There were all kinds of things going on in my head. I didn’t have to follow them, but I didn’t want to stay on the same side of the alley as Greg, the drunken asshole. Also, I didn’t want the grownups to start laughing at me for being afraid to do the same thing the other five kids had just done. There was a big difference, but they didn’t know and wouldn’t care. And to be laughed at by people who were only half as smart as me when they were sober … I didn’t want that. I would definitely get in trouble again. Spanked, grounded, everything.
I looked back into the alley, and everything I saw was blackness. For all I knew, nothing was there – not nothing dangerous, just nothing. No things. I could step out into the space, and just fall forever.
The hint of light from abuela’s didn’t reach far into the alley, not more than a foot past the wall. I thought about giving my eyes time to adjust to the dark, but how long does it take to adjust to absolutely nothing?
I’d seen the alley from that spot a hundred times, but it looked new and strange for some reason. That scared me a little and reassured me a little. Maybe it was nothing – in a good way. Maybe it was everything bad. Maybe I’d been scared for no reason. Maybe I’d never ever been scared enough. Maybe I was supposed to stack all those scares on top of each other and that would be enough for this time. I couldn’t think about that too much, though, because if I did, I’d start wheezing and I didn’t have any asthma medicine with me, and things would just get a lot worse without anything at all happening.
I looked back toward the house. I still didn’t want to stay there, especially at that point. I was too keyed up to behave. I’d get in a lot of trouble, none of which I completely deserved. So .. I’d go. First, I’d go back inside and pee, and then I’d go. I latched the gate back. Maybe when I came back, Carlos would be waiting on the other side with the flash.
When I got back, abuela’s gate was off its latch, but only open a few inches. Still I was wary. Anything could have crept in and be waiting for me. I gave myself space near the gate. The other gate was still closed. Carlos was going to play his game to the end. I backed up. I’d give myself a running start, and maybe manage to yank the gate closed behind me.
Eight feet back, I started my run. My fingers went up and out but just missed the gate as I flew by. I hesitated for a fraction of a second, but didn’t stop. I was half way across when something caught my left foot and I crashed down on my elbows and face. Even so, I managed to keep the other foot on the ground, bent forward on its toes. I couldn’t shake my other foot loose, though. I shook and shook, and finally it slipped free. I wasn’t crying, but I was making gurgling baby sounds and I hated that as much as I hated whatever had me in its grip.
I rolled then scrambled the rest of the way to the gate, popped it, and rolled inside. I kicked it closed behind me. I just laid there panting for a moment, and trying to wipe the dirt and snot off my face. The other kids came up to see. They all looked terrified. Carlos’ terror was the "what am I about to get in trouble for" kind. The others' terror had to do with monsters.
Luz ran into the house and brought me back paper towels for my face and my skinned palms and elbows. I wiped just enough to make things hurt more, then gathered myself up to go to the bathroom.
That’s when I noticed my left shoe was completely untied. I thought about it. That’s probably what caught me. The shoelace caught on something, or I just stepped on it, more likely, and stayed stepping on it with my other foot, given how I’d tumbled. That made complete sense.
I felt better and worse. I felt a whole different kind of stupid. I didn’t say anything, though. My nose was still full of snot.
I reached over to tie my shoe lace and they all seemed to relax. They had the same realization I'd had. Just a shoelace.
I pulled up my sock, tugged a couple of times at the back of the shoe, then tied it. Tight. Double knotted it.
Next, I told them all to go away and leave me alone and that I was sick of them hanging around me and I just wanted some peace and quiet away from stupid annoying brats and why are they still standing around staring at me and if they didn't go away they'd get a dirt clod in the face. After a moment, they all staggered off and I got up.
I walked toward the house. Even though that shoe was tied really tight and double knotted, it flapped as I walked. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to cry until I looked at the shoe indoors, but when I had reached down to tie it, I felt slashes, like something with razor claws had grabbed at it. Not just grabbed at it, actually, but really grabbed it, though it somehow didn’t manage to keep hold of the shoe.
I could only go so far, though, step-flap - step-flap - step-flap, before I started crying again. I looked down at the ground and even though everything was blurry, I saw just the faintest red print coming off the heel and onto the sidewalk. Then I ran and cried.
I never told the grownups, but I did tell the other kids, and from that day on, none of us crossed the alley in the dark, alone or in a group, with or without a flashlight or a dozen.
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