How is is we've gotten to the point that, whatever side of the current political/social/religious/etc. divides we're on, any person who holds an opinion opposite ours is a "hater?"
No group is spared the indignity of large numbers of their rank and file seeming to be incapable of any more intelligent, mature, and productive dialog than ad hominem attacks, name-calling, and puerile accusations that the other person is a "hater." I put it in quotes because most of the time, the writer or speaker (in my seldom humble opinion) seems to have no idea what hate is when they encounter it.
Yes, there are dark, hate-filled people out there, who are angered by anything that they think threatens them or their sense of status quo. But not everyone who has similar reservations is a "hater."
For example - on the issue of gay marriage. It IS hateful to say "Those damn gays are trying to destroy the sacred institution of marriage!!" It is NOT hateful to say "I have problems with extending the definition of marriage to same sex unions." There's a world of difference between the two, but some people choose not to see it.
No group is spared the indignity of large numbers of their rank and file seeming to be incapable of any more intelligent, mature, and productive dialog than ad hominem attacks, name-calling, and puerile accusations that the other person is a "hater." I put it in quotes because most of the time, the writer or speaker (in my seldom humble opinion) seems to have no idea what hate is when they encounter it.
Yes, there are dark, hate-filled people out there, who are angered by anything that they think threatens them or their sense of status quo. But not everyone who has similar reservations is a "hater."
For example - on the issue of gay marriage. It IS hateful to say "Those damn gays are trying to destroy the sacred institution of marriage!!" It is NOT hateful to say "I have problems with extending the definition of marriage to same sex unions." There's a world of difference between the two, but some people choose not to see it.
On the other side, it ISN'T hateful to say, "I don't understand how you can impose your standards on other people's relationships." It IS hateful to say "You're all just a bunch of fascists, unable to deal with your own sexuality, so you try to repress mine!!" Clearly, there is a difference in tone and intensity, and the people who say one are not the same people who say the other.
There's a great middle ground between this emotional violence and passivity. I think sometimes our society is immersed in a mixture of co-dependence, with vast groups dependent upon someone else for their sense of well being, and passive-aggressive behavior, where people don't communicate boundaries, they just sit on their thumbs until they've been "pushed too far" and lash out in anger.
I know for a fact that it's possible to firmly, but calmly and respectfully, discuss matters of concern. I've had plenty of experiences where discussions go from frustration and alienation to respectful disagreement, where both parties retain their personal power and neither ends up backed into a corner, angry and fearful. Unfortunately, too many people either lack the confidence that allow this, or are simply unwilling to make this effort.
Sometimes I get angry over that fact (nothing *makes* me angry - I choose to be or not be), but more often I am fearful (not *made* fearful, but ... ) over the consequences for our society.
Both sides act like they're on a sinking ship, afraid to let loose of anything for fear they'll be lost. But if they're both on the verge of losing, who's left to win?
I don't have to agree with you. I don't even have to like you or respect you. But for the sake of my personal integrity, I have to treat you with respect for your valid concerns, uncoupled from your possible excesses. For my sake, I have to be willing to express myself fairly and firmly at the same time. Will our disagreements magically go away? Not at all. But we'll learn to live with them better.
I'll end with two quotes I firmly embrace:
“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
"I shall not try to change anything that I think or anything that you think (insofar as I can judge of it) in order to reach a reconciliation that would be agreeable to all. On the contrary, what I feel like telling you today is that the world needs real dialogue, that falsehood is just as much the opposite of dialogue as silence, and that the only possible dialogue is the kind between people who remain what they are and speak their minds." - Albert Camus
There's a great middle ground between this emotional violence and passivity. I think sometimes our society is immersed in a mixture of co-dependence, with vast groups dependent upon someone else for their sense of well being, and passive-aggressive behavior, where people don't communicate boundaries, they just sit on their thumbs until they've been "pushed too far" and lash out in anger.
I know for a fact that it's possible to firmly, but calmly and respectfully, discuss matters of concern. I've had plenty of experiences where discussions go from frustration and alienation to respectful disagreement, where both parties retain their personal power and neither ends up backed into a corner, angry and fearful. Unfortunately, too many people either lack the confidence that allow this, or are simply unwilling to make this effort.
Sometimes I get angry over that fact (nothing *makes* me angry - I choose to be or not be), but more often I am fearful (not *made* fearful, but ... ) over the consequences for our society.
Both sides act like they're on a sinking ship, afraid to let loose of anything for fear they'll be lost. But if they're both on the verge of losing, who's left to win?
I don't have to agree with you. I don't even have to like you or respect you. But for the sake of my personal integrity, I have to treat you with respect for your valid concerns, uncoupled from your possible excesses. For my sake, I have to be willing to express myself fairly and firmly at the same time. Will our disagreements magically go away? Not at all. But we'll learn to live with them better.
I'll end with two quotes I firmly embrace:
“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
"I shall not try to change anything that I think or anything that you think (insofar as I can judge of it) in order to reach a reconciliation that would be agreeable to all. On the contrary, what I feel like telling you today is that the world needs real dialogue, that falsehood is just as much the opposite of dialogue as silence, and that the only possible dialogue is the kind between people who remain what they are and speak their minds." - Albert Camus
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